The Best Preparation for Old Age

When clients talk to me about long-term care late in life, many express a similar worry.

It’s usually framed financially at first: not wanting to become a burden to their kids, not wanting to spend down everything they’ve built, not wanting to end up stuck in an expensive facility for years.

But I sometimes think there’s a deeper concern underneath that.

Not just the fear of poor health, but the possibility of feeling disconnected from the people and routines that make life good.

All the money in the world doesn’t help much if you don’t have people who care about you, who can direct your care, and who want to spend time with you. There's a logistical element to that, but also a relational side. I believe if you focus on the relational side, the logistical side will take care of itself.

Sure, you'll still want to draw up medical directives, assign powers of attorney, and set aside assets for future care needs. But that's the work of a couple weeks or at most a couple months for most people. Cultivating relationships is the work of a lifetime.

A big part of this is continuing to contribute to the lives of other people.

Older adults have a great deal to offer younger generations: stability, perspective, mentorship, even wisdom. And of course, time.

Some retirees may balk at the idea that they reached retirement only to sign up for another round of obligations and responsibilities, whether that means volunteering, helping with grandchildren, mentoring younger people, or simply showing up consistently for others.

And yet, those acts of generosity are often the building blocks of connection, purpose, and belonging, for the retiree as well as their loved ones.

It isn't always convenient. But maybe part of what makes a relationship meaningful is precisely that people continue showing up for one another even when it feels inconvenient. Retirees today have the opportunity to model the way they'd like to be treated later on.

As people age, life often becomes less about independence and more about interdependence. From what I've observed, the people who tend to have the strongest support systems later in life are often the people who spent years investing in healthy relationships.